I sprained my ankle on New Year's Eve. It was a small step. Not much larger than the height of a few rugs piled on top of each other. It was dark. Icy. Black. It's what they call a "third-degree" sprain. What it means is that I tore most of the ligaments that attach my bones to one another and as a result, have limited mobility.
I've started this blog mainly to record the quirks, the weebles and the woobles. It will document my recovery and perhaps evolve and develop its own digital voice. Anyways, I'm not really good at this stuff but the story needs to be told. Here's an outline for reference and contention.
7:40 Take Downtown (1) Train to Rector Street
7:53 Purchase two bottles of Canada Dry Lemon Lime Club Soda
7:54 Walk East and discover the grave site of Alexander Hamilton and the birthplace of Columbia University.
7:55 Hit Wall Street and realize you're walking the wrong way.
8:00 Walk in the wind towards Hudson River and Lindsay and Justin's apartment.
8:05 Arrive at the beautiful apartment de Bregman y Stanwix
8:30 Chit chat about life and Justin's wonderful family history. See here.
Also discuss irony of Linsday's lack of family history. See here.
9:30 Enough Said.
10:30 Taxi ride to 14 E 4th Street. Wooohoot!
10:45 Mingle and jingle in anticipating the Holiday fantasmo. Say hello to former coworker, Sabrina, who invited you there in the first place. She's wearing a fantastic sequined dress. Gorgeous. Vogue.
11:00 Dance. Not sure who with.
11:45 Watch the moments pass before ball drops. Toast to people you don't know. Doubly fall in love again with Kathy Griffin and Anderson Cooper. Both of whom are far too pale for HDTV. Thankfully, it's all broad casted from a projector on to the wall.
12:00 2009 is here. Make out with Justin's random friend. Talk to lots of people. Tell them your name is Cruella.
1:00 Bathroom break. There's abstract art everywhere. You try to tell the owner, Taki, about the art you make. But somehow, somewhere, you forget how to form a sentence and more importantly, how to explain that you use RUBBER CEMENT not DRY RUB in your paintings.
2:30 Try to leave apartment. Lindsay helps you find your blazer and your coat. Say Ciao and go down the elevator.
2:35 Fantasize about Greenwich Vill. Pizza and other food.
3:00 Leave apartment building and BAM! BOOM! ZAP! ZAZZAM! Slip and fall to ground.
3:01 AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
3:02 AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
3:03 Lindsay and Justin and friend (Brian?) help me to my feet. Try to look for a cab, but it's New Year's and it's New York City and everyone and their Ohioian mother are in town.
3:15 Fine a gypsy black cab and tell them I don't care about the charge take me to the hospital.
3:17 Lindsay tells me no. She reminds me it's New Year's and that my ankle would be low priority.
3:30 Hobble everywhere in Lindsay's apartment building. Scream. Cry.
3:45 Lay on couch and Lindsay removes your boot to look at the destruction. More crying.
4:00 Justin and Lindsay move you to the spare bedroom. Say, "I just want to be in the hall. Where all the action is."
4:05 Deny offers of Ambien and take Tylenol instead.
8:30 Wake up and realize it's not a dream. You've got cold, defrosted peas on your foot and it's resting atop 4 pillows. You need to pee.
8:35 Call your sister and tell her you've "broked" your ankle and that you're stranded in New York City. She tells you she's sleeping and to call Mom.
9:00 Call Mom. Relay the story. Daydream about ice cold water. Move the warm bag of peas to the floor. She agrees to come rescue you.
11:oo Mother and Aunt Donna arrive. Use crutches that Mom brought to exit apartment. Lindsay follows downstairs to lobby in her PJ's. Exhausted from the walk, tell the bellhop you need the luggage carrier to sit on. Get wheeled out of the building on the luggage carrier and tell the bellhop that this experience doesn't even fit in your top ten most embarrassing moments. Tell him this is a walk in the park. Remind yourself that you're lying.
11:30 Feel every bump and pothole and scratch in Manhattan vibrate through your ankle as your Aunt drives toward the Midtown Tunnel. Detour somehow through Canal Street and wish that you could browse all the faux leather makers and "sterling" silver jewels.
For more Sprained off the island of Manhattan, check for "The Details, part 2."
No comments:
Post a Comment